Posted in need a laugh?

Yoiks and Awaaaayyyy!

It’s my birthday today and so far, it’s been a “yoiks and away” kind of day…

6 a.m. Wake up. Eat hot oatmeal because that’s what people my age do every day, even birthdays. Inhale 3 cups of hot tea. Study bible and pray. God speaks. I listen. So far it’s a pretty good day…yoiks and away!

7 a.m. Check email. There’s one from my publisher! Must be a birthday wish! Read it. It’s a list of all the Canadian authors who were nominated for Word Guild Awards. My name is not on the list but lots of my friend’s names are. Resist temptation to compare…yoiks and away!

8 a.m. Dentist appointment — prognosis: a molar that will likely calve like a glacier sometime this year. Go home and blow the dust off the bottle of calcium tablets on my countertop…yoiks and away!

9 a.m. Shopping for wasabi, pickled ginger, avocado, shrimp and many other ingredients because our home group meets at our house tonight and my husband is making sushi. Everyone will arrive hungry at seven. No one knows it’s my birthday, unless my husband secretly told them and they’re planning to surprise me! Can’t wait…yoiks and away!

9:50 a.m. Get mail. Large shiny package! Oh boy! Just in time! Open package. Three gifts inside…for 3 other people in my town. Would I mind passing them along? I’ll get right on it once my “special day” is over….yoiks and away!

10 a.m. Still trying to re-organize our storage space after adding in the accumulated gear belonging to the son-who-just-moved-home-after-three-years-gone. Space is limited but I see a spot up high and try to heave a 50-pound box onto the shelf. Heavy metal pot lid with sharp edge tumbles over left shoulder and removes chunk of flesh from left heel. Vigorous dancing and singing. Not recorded for posterity…yoiks and away!

10:20 a.m. Check email. Get uninvited to a banquet I had been invited to with a friend. It’s complicated…yoiks and away!

10:30 Two preschool grandkids in PJ’s and rubber boots arrive to fetch a Diet Coke for a tired mommy four doors down. Caffeine source delivered, kids decide to stay and help grammy have a happy birthday…yoiks and… you get the picture.

11 a.m. Book Westjet flight for speaking event three weeks hence and email itinerary to event organizer…

11:01 a.m. Receive email from event organizer with apologies for telling me wrong date…

11:02 – 11:20 a.m. On hold with Westjet to change booking…

11:30 Youngest grandbaby and her mommy arrive. “Can we give baby a nap here while I run some errands?”

11:45 a.m Husband dashes in door. “I have 30 minutes. I can chop up the veggies and slice all the fish for sushi!” He removes the 2-year-old and the 4-year-old from the countertop and starts sharpening knives. Middle grandchild peels the skin off our eardrums with a shriek. What?! Did he get in the way of the flashing blades? No. The baby grabbed his toy and his world ended…

high noon: Second daughter takes first two darlings home to their mommy. I put her baby to bed…for the first time…

12:02 p.m. Son and girlfriend arrive for lunch break. “What’s on the back of your shorts mom?” I investigate. Apparently my “dancing with the stars” routine resulted in a large amount of blood being spattered on the backside of my snow-white walking shorts. I change into something black and put the shorts in cold water…

12:15 Put two-year-old future gymnast back in crib…

12:30 “Gwammy! I waked up!” says baby, as she staggers into the kitchen dragging a 10-lb diaper that does nothing to enhance our appetites as we try to cook pizza and chop salad…

12:35 Change criticial mass poopy diaper and put baby to bed again then blow a lung running for the telephone on another floor and catch it just in time. Too winded to talk…

12:50, 1:10, 1:30 hunt for bottle, refill bottle, find blankey, put baby back in crib with orders to stay there — wasted breath…

1:50 Try for the hundredth time to write a thoughtful, insightful, spiritual, truly helpful and possibly life-changing blog designed to help others follow God one yes at a time but it’s hard to type while repeatedly bashing into tree trunks….

1:59 Hear baby coming and smell second “offering” of the day just as phone rings. It’s her mommy. She’s on her way. I decide to ignore the evidence and save it for her mother. Things are looking up…

Moral of the story (added two weeks later): Keep swinging! We laughed, we sang, we ate sushi until we tipped over, we heard from the Word; we went for a walk and a group photo, I got a gorgeous bouquet and many hugs and wishes. I decided to celebrate my birthday the next day by doing only what I wanted to do. You can see the result here.

Author:

Christian writer and speaker trying to follow God one yes at a time.

6 thoughts on “Yoiks and Awaaaayyyy!

  1. Well, I know the day started out a little shaky, but sounds like it ended well with good food, fellowship, and win for Vancouver! You make me laugh, one mishap at a time! Hang in there sister!

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  2. loved it! You are too funny!!

    Ever heard of having an “unbirthday?” Just pick anyday and celebrate! Do something fun for yourself that you pick! How’s Gerry on making cakes?

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  3. Thank God!!!!! He is with us at each one of those trees.
    He is the hope and focus that let’s us jump again!
    Thanks for your honesty again.
    It is fresh and uplifting……up focusing!

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  4. Connie, Sorry to tell you this but I laughed until I peed my pants! And again sorry!! LOL When I watched to video at the beginning I was laughing so hard because the last 2 months have found me swinging from trees also, sometimes without the vine ( ya, that’s a whole other deal). Anyway sister, all I can say is hang in there and tie a big knot. Thanks so much for sharing!!

    Like

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