Go big or go home. It’s the mantra in Nashville and Hollywood. It’s the clarion call to working women from Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook and author of Lean In. It’s the hope of athletes and Olympians. This message has trickled down and seeped into the hearts and minds of us all.
So I ask…”Says who?” (or whom? Whatever!)
Some people you and I know personally are “big.” Kudos to you. But most of us aren’t. Not being big can feel like we’ve somehow failed or under-achieved or even quit.
Some people we know are intentionally not big, never wanted big, chose small, or just wound up small and are happy. Kudos to you too.
Last weekend I flew on a small airplane (four other passengers) to a small town in northern Alberta. I thought I was going to a small event but 225 women showed up so by their standards (and mine) it was big.
A first draft of this blog was handwritten as I flew and as soon as I landed, I lost the courage to post it. But God had other plans.
One of the first people I met was the “missing” brother from a famous country band. Three brothers started singing together as teens and their talent and drive took them to Nashville and the top of the charts. They got BIG. But when I saw a photo of the band recently I noticed there were only two brothers.
The sound man at my event was a local, a husband and father of three young kids and his day job was IT. He looked familiar ( I attended a live concert several years ago when there were still three brothers in the band) and a few questions revealed he was the missing brother.
“What happened?” was my (possibly rude) question.
“My wife and I wanted to come home,” was his gracious and courageous answer.
He told me they had been home three years so I asked how he felt about the decision now. “I’ve never regretted it,” he said with a smile.
In other words, he chose “small.” He achieved the big dream and it didn’t fit him or his family very well so he chose a new dream.
Meeting him gave me the courage to share my own truth:
I have been on the road speaking since 1999 and I have had a few “big” moments. Some of my peers who began speaking at the same time or even years later are now BIG. Kudos to you. Sincerely.
In my field as a speaker, big is large audiences, wide acclaim (people drive several hours to attend your event), more invitations than you can possibly accept, top dollar, publishing deals and many books, huge blog following, TV and radio spots or even your own show, world-wide travel and more.
I think you can figure out what small is on your own.
I believe small is God’s dream for me. Small just fits me better. I can do small without the chasing, the driving, the madness, the climbing, the people-pleasing, the selfies with “big” people, the crowded calendar and airline gold status, the FB posting of where you are and where you’re going next, the marketing, the jumping-through-hoops that are always flaming, the online products and ever-bigger blog following, the new and fresh ideas ever day…the lonely hotel rooms, the cities you’ve visited but can’t remember being there, the people you’ve met who’ve poured out their heart to you but you’ve forgotten everything about them, the panic attacks, the thousands of FB “friends” that are not real friends, the stress of delayed or canceled flights, the numbing exhaustion, the hordes of people who admire you mostly because they don’t really know you, the missed celebrations and crises back home, the texts from your kids and grandkids asking when you’ll get home … wow! I didn’t know I had so much bottled up angst but there it is humble reader — my rant on why big doesn’t work for me.
Does that mean that we “small” people don’t have the talent to be big? Maybe. But not always. The “missing brother” had enough talent and I have plenty of evidence to indicate my speaking gift is sufficient.
Choosing small means we don’t have the will. Those of us who choose “small” do not like the price that must be paid to be big. Small works for us. Small fits.
Choosing small in one area creates space for other big things–family, health, spiritual wholeness–that might get overlooked or sacrificed or ignored, or postponed or devalued or lost while you are chasing big.
Five years ago when I flew home from a Rah-Rah conference with a head full of ideas and a plan to write my next book about “simplifying your life” I discovered my husband of 30+ years was inches away from burnout.
God whispered a new dream into my heart. Or perhaps it was the dream that was always there but I was too busy chasing to hear it.
“Gerry needs a wife,” said the voice in my head. I put down my author’s pen. I made other changes. I have a few more to make. It has taken almost five years for me to fully embrace God’s newest dream for me but in the end, instead of writing about simplifying, I simplified! I chose small. And I don’t regret it.
Hope for the Rest of Us 
Bravo!! Well said Connie. And can I just say that you “doing small” is BIG in the lives of your loved ones. You are a fantastic speaker. You are an incredible wife, mother, Grammy, friend and sister. Your willingness to follow God’s leading in your life has blessed so many. Thanks for the blessing. ❤
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Thanks Margy! I agree “small” is “big” most of the time!
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I wrote a comment earlier, but for some reason it didn’t show up, now, if in the wonderful world of the internet it does happen to appear, please forgive two comments 🙂
As I read your blog, there were two thoughts that kept rattling around my head, the first one being perspective. I thought about a friend of mine from the college of education who has made it “big”. He started teaching in southern Saskatchewan and is now one of the most sought after keynote speakers on the education circuit. His book is still a top seller on Amazon.com, and he is followed by close to 200K people on Twitter. When we sat together in Prince Albert last year at a conference he keynoted, I began to feel the envy creep in, there was a feeling that he had “made it” while I settled for my career path. However, as I read your blog, I started thinking about the many kids (not 200K), who come to my office in need. Who come to me teary-eyed and confused, looking for advice or simply needing someone to listen without judgement. Have I made it “big” in their eyes? I think about the parents of the kids at my school and how they trust me everyday with their most prized possessions. Have I made it “big” in their eyes? I also wonder, “does it really matter?” My friend has followed his path, and has a “big” bank account. I followed my path, and my balance is measured in a different currency. I think what does matter is that I’m happy with where I am on my journey that continues to evolve every day. Big. Small. I think it all depends on perspective.
Now, I said there were two thoughts that I had while reading your blog. The second thought was of an 8 1/2″ x 11″ that my dad kept by the mirror (not by coincidence I’m sure). In the frame was the poem titled, The Man in the Glass (Google it!). This is how he chose to live his life, and it has had an impact on me as a principal.
It makes me wonder if being true to your “small” self is the “biggest” thing you can do.
Thanks for making me think Connie!
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Bruce your comments are “the rest of the story”!
No sooner had I pressed Publish than I began to think about all the “small” things I am able to do that make a “big” difference in the lives of others. Taking my grandkids to the playground or just hanging out with them at home. Walking with a friend and praying with her about her current challenges or pain. Cooking real food made from fresh ingredients. Leading a women’s Freedom Session group on a weeknight in my home. Doing my husband’s laundry. Every one of those small things is big to somebody.
You are so right, perspective is important. What’s small to one person is big to another.
And being a recipient of a “small” kindness from someone else is always big. When people take the time to wait a few seconds and hold a door open for me, that small act is big and renews my faith in peoples’ ability to act with kindness. What seems small — smiling at the person you meet on the sidewalk, speaking a kind word to the sales’ associate who is trying to run your groceries through the till in record time, shovelling the snow off your neighbour’s sidewalk — is truly big to the person receiving the kindness.
Thanks again Bruce for adding your thoughts. And kudos to you for choosing “small” so you can be “big” in the lives of the people who matter most in your life.
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Connie, I really needed to read this today! How much I have felt like such a little fish swimming in a big, big ocean when it comes to writing. You have always been one of my greatest encouragers and my mentor.
Bless you for sharing!
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Even “little fish” are an integral part of the food chain! Keep doing your thing because it is Big to the people whom you influence and you have influenced me both with your life and your writing.
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Dear Connie,
I love, love, love this ❤️ and you! And if small means more time in our town, I ❤️ it even more! How much courage, how truly big, the decision for ‘small’ is! Thanks for your courage and this wise perspective 💜🌹⚓️
HA! I just thought of this story 🐢🐇 but that’s about speed, not size!
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Thanks Laurel,
The very next event I spoke at was in SK and the first person I met was a young woman who, like me, “had been” an author But God was calling her to different horizons. She had three young kids of her own and had also started a non-profit in two African countries so teen moms could raise their own babies. Those two HUGE passions required her whole heart and she could no longer devote time or energy to all the promo and marketing and flaming-hoop-jumping necessary to sell products. So i wouldn’t say she has moved from “big” to “small” but she has certainly shifted her focus from “earning” to “spending.” Interesting the way God directs our steps so that His message is reinforced in our life!
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Connie, I appreciate your blog – always honest.
I had wanted to come have coffee with you this past weekend (drive out from Saskatchewan mostly just for that!), but alas, it was not to be. Maybe another time. In the meantime, I will continue to read your blogs, and remember our years together in school, and how the years have changed us!! Pat (Sawatzky) Hildebrandt
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Hey Pat!
As I recall you were the very first person to call me after I gave my life to Jesus and you encouraged me and celebrated my decision. Over 40 years ago now! We will have to have that coffee sometime!
Thanks
Connie
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Connie, what if the husband doesnt need the wife but the wife needs a husband? I have given everything for over 20 years to be wife and mom and I am tired of being “small”.
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Hi Ang,
It sounds like it’s time for a change in your life. Whether that change is in your heart and mind or your lifestyle and relationships or both, only the Holy Spirit knows and He will let you know as you seek Him. I have found peace about who I am and where God has me by working through Freedom Session, a Christ-centered 12-step recovery program. I hope you will check it out at http://www.freedomsession.com
All the best to you Ang and Merry Christmas
Connie
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