It’s easy to believe in a good outcome when signs indicate victory.
I’m a hockey fan. I get very tense when my team plays and the score is tight. However, if we get a three-goal lead I relax a little because winning seems more likely. (does the word pessimist come to mind?)
However, if my team is down a goal in the third, I am definitely a glass-half-empty person. I lose hope.
Two weeks ago, I felt like victory was within our grasp in regards to Jasmine’s leukaemia battle. She had made it through her second round of chemo, we were officially halfway toward the cure, she was feeling good, and we were celebrating.
Then the other shoe dropped.
I got my second bad cold since her diagnosis two months ago. My first cold kept me from seeing Jasmine for three weeks. My current virus has barred me for a week and it’s far from over.
Meanwhile, Jasmine took a turn for the worse. She is fighting a bacterial infection, a mysterious cough, a reactionary rash, headache, nausea, loss of appetite and all at a time when she has no white blood cells to fight for her.
Once again, my heart was gripped with fear.
Jasmine’s my first grandchild. Her arrival ushered me into a season that completely caught me by surprise. I was 50 and not yet an empty nester when Jasmine was born. Our youngest son was still at home and I had not had the opportunity to “long for” a new season of nurturing. Frankly, I was looking forward to a reprieve!
So when I saw that tiny little face as she was pulled/pushed into my world, I was astonished at my reaction. My heart burst wide open. It was love at first sight. A rare and beautiful gift.
Jasmine has been a huge part of my everyday life. She lives nearby so it’s easy to be together and we enjoy many of the same things.
It was a long and stressful week as I waited for news from a distance.
Early Saturday morning I drove east into the rising sun to attend a women’s conference. I fished out my sunglasses, pulled down the visor and squinted into the glare. It was glorious, as most sunrises are.
And suddenly it occurred to me that the sun does not rise. Nor set. Sunrise and sunset are misnomers. The sun never moves. It sits in place in the heavens while the earth moves toward it or away from it.
It’s an exact replica of the relationship between God and His creation. God, like the sun, is in His heaven. Never moving. We, like the planets, move around Him. Sometimes tilting toward Him and sometimes shying away.
All last week I tilted toward darkness, afraid and alone.
As of today, nothing has changed in Jasmine’s condition. But I have. I am tilting toward the light.
Today’s early morning reading in John 20 caught my attention because in a few verses Jesus said “Peace to you” three times to His disciples. Something twigged in my brain. I looked up “peace” in the concordance at the back of my Bible and found it.
Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.
That great big God spoke personally to me. About my pain. He cares. He knows. I can trust Him.
12 thoughts on “No Matter What”
Beautiful Connie. 🙏🏼 Well said. Prayers for you all. May HIS Peace and HEALING be with you all. 🙏🏼💐🎈
Thank you Con , for this update. My prayers can now be more specific for your dear Jas and for you. May you tilt so far toward God that you fall right into His arms.
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Praying for complete healing……Warm Hugs to you and yours Connie XO.
Thanks for sharing, Connie. It’s so easy to lose focus when our precious little ones are suffering. So encouraging to hear how God spoke to you. He loves you, Connie. He loves your dear Jasmine. He’s there for you.
2 Cor 1:4 [God] Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Hey Connie, praying for you all lot’s! Always here if you want to go for a walk!
You are such a wonderful Grandma Connie. I can’t imagine how difficult going through this journey must be. May God’s loving grace continue to sustain you and yours. We are praying for complete healing for your precious Jasmine
Praying for strength and peace along with healings of every kind. You are an inspiration and you are loved!
This is beautiful, Connie. We’re praying for you and Jasmine and the rest of the family!!
Thank you for the encouragement out in spite of and during your struggle. Praying for all of you.
We walked through the halls of the Children’s Hospital today (an appointment for Ava). I welled up as I turned to my mom and said, I can’t come here without thinking of and praying for Jasmine and her family.
Love you all.
As you may know, I am fighting cancer, also. There have been many times when that darkness appears and my thoughts turn away from God. It is a constant battle physically and spiritually.
Jasmine is in God’s hands. He is watching over each detail of her care and those caring for her. Rest in knowing that He loves her and has a plan for her life. We do not trust in things of this world, but in Him. As this season is upon your family and friends…know that you have got a mighty prayer warrior team that continues to intercede on Jasmine’s behalf.
Tilting towards the light….I can handle that!
You are an inspiration to all of us for your honesty, your courage and your truth of what God is doing in your life. I can’t imagine having a sick grandchild going through what your family is dealing with. Knowing you are all in God’s hands and holding you up in his security that He knows what He is doing is such comfort and for all of us who can stand besides you in prayer to lift your family up allows us such a great privilege. God is good!