Posted in focus on faith, life lessons

Caring for Aging Parents; a chance to give back

My 11-year-old grandson and I were watching a “magic” trick in a shop for magicians in Calgary last month when my cell rang. It was Gerry calling from the other side of the country. He was in the airport headed home but was quite emotional.

“It’s mom,” he said. “She’s in the hospital. Again. She’s not doing well.”

We decided to leave early the next morning to make the seven-hour drive to Saskatoon to visit Gerry’s 91-year-old recently widowed mom and to meet with his four brothers to discuss her care.

Now, a month later, grandmama is much improved and working hard at adjusting to a new assisted living home. We spent Mother’s Day weekend there and were so impressed with her strength of will and mental clarity in spite of physical fragility due to age and the emotional challenges of dealing with the loss of independence.

So many people my age are caring for their aging parents including my friend Kathy Howard. Today is the launch day for her newest book30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents

Struggling to navigate the parent/child role reversal? Kathy Howard’s new book, 30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents, explores God’s Word to find hope and encouragement for the wide range of physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual challenges the adult child caregiver may experience. Each of the 30 devotions – which can also serve as a guide for a daily quiet time – includes a Scripture passage, a real-life illustration, biblical commentary/application, and questions for reflection.

 

From Kathy…What Do We Do Now?

My parents needed help long before I realized it. Their need snuck up on me. Since they had always been so independent, strong, and capable, it took a while for my perception of them to catch up with reality.

Then I felt as if I was already behind. That I had to run to catch up. I missed that initial step, the first small decision of many decisions to come. I fell into the deep end. When I came up for air my first thought was “what do we do now?!” You may have that same feeling – overwhelmed with decisions for someone who used to have all the answers.

As we care for our aging parents, we face a constant barrage of decisions, some small and some huge. My friend Karen and her siblings are just beginning the caregiving journey with their parents. Karen’s mom and dad live in a large, multi-level house on more than an acre of land. The family worries about their physical ability to care for the property as well as their safety carrying out the required tasks. In recent months, Karen’s dad has fallen more than once.

Their first big decision looms – when and how should the children talk to the parents about moving somewhere safer and more manageable? Karen isn’t sure how to proceed, but she is sure about where to find the answer. “I pray for God’s wisdom to know when the time will be right to talk to them about a move. God knows when that should be.”

Wouldn’t it be great if our aging parents came with an instruction manual? But, no guidebook exists to tell us “when this happens, then you do this…” The only practical training most of us receive may be on the job, but we do have access to a vast storehouse of divine wisdom.

By definition, wisdom is the ability to choose and act rightly in specific situations. God wants to guide us along a wise path. He desires for us to do the right thing, to make good decisions for ourselves and our parents. Therefore, He does not hide His wisdom from us, but gives generously to all who asks (James 1:5).

The search for true wisdom is really a search for its Source, God Himself (Proverbs 2:6). Let us begin there. In God’s presence, in His revealed Word. The Bible provides the framework of discernment we need for all life’s situations. There we find principles for godly living, guidelines for relationships, and insight that shapes our attitudes and behavior.

Through the guidance of His Spirit and godly counsel of fellow believers, God will use what we have diligently treasured in our hearts and minds to walk us through specific circumstances. As we follow God’s direction we will begin to experience the cumulative effect of godly wisdom. Yesterday’s wise decisions set us on a good path, guarding our course for today’s wise choices. The exercise of godly wisdom today will keep us on God’s good path paving the way into a wise tomorrow.

The Bible describes the discovery of wisdom as a treasure hunt (Proverbs 2:4). Wisdom comes to light as we diligently seek it in God’s Word and in His presence. Let us look for wisdom like silver; search for it like precious treasure. Let us call out to the Author of wisdom and ask Him to grant what He longs to give.

Personal Reflection:

Do you pray and read God’s Word with determined anticipation of receiving His wisdom and guidance? What are some ways you can purposefully hunt for God’s wisdom?

 Kathy Howard calls herself a “confused southerner.” Raised in Louisiana, she moved with her engineer husband around the U.S. and Canada. She says “pop” instead of “Coke” and “you guys” as often as “y’all.” But she’s still a southern girl at heart! Kathy encourages women to live an unshakeable faith by standing firm on our rock-solid God no matter life’s circumstances. Kathy, the author of eight books, including the new daily devotional “30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents,” has a Master’s in Christian Education. She is passionate about Bible study and discipleship and loves sharing at women’s events and retreats. Kathy is also a regular contributor to Crosswalk.com, Hello Mornings, Arise Daily, and more. Kathy and her “mostly retired” husband live in the Dallas/Ft Worth area near family. They have three married children, four grandsons, and three dogs – one of them on purpose. She provides free discipleship resources and blogs regularly at www.KathyHoward.org. Kathy also connects with women at Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram.